One Last Dance


In between crazy, horrible text messages, emails and constant digs about how fat (119 lbs) I was…I received an email from him.

He begged me to reconsider.  He wanted to whisk me away to a resort — for couple’s counseling.  He saw a “sign” while on a trail run– two doves at 2,000 feet.  He said it was his sign that we needed to be together.  That he had failed– lost everything and now he had lost his wife.  He was sorry.

I’ve been in this position so many times with him.  It used to work for me.  Previously, I would fall for the emotional email…the charm…the apology…the manipulation.  He would whisk me away to Hawaii, Jamaica, Canada, Oregon, Florida, New York, Chicago…and “fix it”.  If we had a fight then I could almost count on finding plane tickets on my pillow within a day.  After the vacation, things would return to normalcy and everything was lonely, sad and empty.  Void of emotion and void of feelings.  Void of affection and void of love.  That was “Normal”.

This email was different.  The charm didn’t work.  The link he sent to a high-end couples retreat didn’t work either.  I was dead inside when it came to my relationship him.  Things had been “done” for six months by that point.  I believe that reality began to set in.  He knew I was dating.  It hit him.  It was too late.  I read the email– no feelings stirred.  No emotion.  I was done.

Not only was I done but I finally saw the manipulation. 

Doves have a lot of meaning to me and he knows that.  Several years ago when my daughter had her first seizure, I was leaving my house to see a child neurologist and I was a mess.  As I was pulling out of our gate at 6am, a dove flew straight up to my window and hovered there– it made eye contact with me and seemed to freeze in mid air.  I had a sense of calm wash over me and I knew in my heart that everything was fine.  I knew at that moment that my daughter was fine and that the test results were all normal– and they were.

Ever since that day, doves have been a symbol to me.  I hear a cooing and it reminds me to stop.  Breathe and be thankful. 

I know him.  I’ve seen the manipulation– personally and with so many other people.  He uses people and he manipulates.  That is what he does best.  By sending me an email talking about doves and fuzzy bunnies…he thought he was tugging on my heartstrings.

He wanted one last dance.

I didn’t.

I was the dove flying out of the cage of unhappiness.


One response »

  1. Amazing how hard they fight to keep you there isn’t it? Mine tried for 9 months. Told stories of how horrible it was for him as a child, how we could have a good life together if we tried and had some help with the kids (we had lived away from family for the 11 years prior to that) , bought me plane tickets to see my oldest daughter get married, the list goes on. But for years and right up to that point refused any kind of help or therapy. I knew I could not do it anymore. I couldn’t be abused and watch my kids be abused anymore. The answer? After his last stitch efforts he gathered a full-proof plan and executed it perfectly. He had me removed from my home (through perjury in the court) and took my kids 2000 miles away to live. Then systematically destroyed me while building the Mr. Wonderful act and won custody. Now he can torture me with the only thing that matters to me (my kids) AND abuse them without interference. TOTAL WIN for him…

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