The Web of Lies


The web of lies is thick.  The lies are so engrained in him that I really think that he believes himself.  It’s hard to watch.  There are little white lies and half-truths and then there are blatant lies and elaborate stories.  I’ve had numerous people ask about the most recent lie in court and how he ended up with supervised visits.

On February 19, I went to the church that I’ve been going to for over three years.  I sit in the same section every week.  He brought my daughters to church that day but he paraded them through the main adult church instead of putting them in their Sunday School class.  He sat directly in front of me– on purpose or by chance– I’m still not sure.  The girls saw me and ran to me.  They didn’t want to leave with him and the end result was him screaming at us in the parking lot of church, my daughters both in hysterics and eventually, the police accompanying me to pick up my daughters because I was fearful of him and afraid of subjecting my daughters to another one of his tirades.  That is the short version.

In court on Wednesday, he spun his story and now it is a thick web that he can’t break free of.  In his version of the story, this was his church.  He attends this church every week and sits in the exact same spot.  I was there and I purposefully sat in his section.

I was dumbfounded.  I sat there listening with my mouth wide open.  I watched as the Commissioner raised his eyebrows in disbelief and the girls’ attorney shook his head in what appeared to be disbelief.  I couldn’t quite grasp what I was hearing.  There have been so many lies but this one was almost too hard for me to believe.  He was talking about my church.  He was lying about my church.  I was waiting for the sky to open and for lightening to strike.

He was talking about a place that has become a safe haven for me.  My home away from home.  A place where I am able to reconnect each week and find my strength.  These are the pastors who will pray for me on a random Tuesday morning if I send them an email about my struggles.  These are the people who have given me a bag of groceries when I was in need.  These people helped me to get into my first apartment after I left the women’s shelter.  These are the people who bought my daughters Christmas gifts this year when I discovered that my X had been fired from his job- again.

The judge pressed him further on the topic– he lives four hours away from the church yet he claims to attend every week?  I wasn’t the only one scratching my head.  He was evasive when pressed for the number of times he attends.  He was evasive as he always is when caught lying.  The judge stated, “I don’t care whether you go to church or not.  That is your business.  What I do care about is when someone lies in my courtroom”.  Then, the judge ordered supervised visits and set a new court date for April 10th.  He ordered the attorney to uncover the truth– if my X attends this particular church every week as he stated in court.  If he is lying, the order becomes permanent.

As suspected, my X called the church within minutes of court ending.  He wanted them to say that he is a member and attends regularly.  They can’t say that because he isn’t a member and he doesn’t attend regularly.  In fact, we estimate that he’s attended twice in the past year.  The people at the church know my story and they know the history.  They have been there since the beginning.  They know that I submit a written prayer request each and every Sunday– asking for them to pray for the protection for my daughters while in his care and praying that the Family Court System will work to protect my daughters.

They can’t do what he is asking because of one simple thing: it isn’t the truth. 


14 responses »

  1. Wow just wow….if I hadn’t dealt with someone JUST like this it would seem almost unbelievable. But I know…you can’t make this stuff up.

    Thank God you have such a strong support system! *hugs*

  2. The truth will set you free.

    It’s such a simple statement; so easy to overlook or ignore. We forget how much power it has, I think.

    I’m so glad you were able to stick it out until the court and the attorneys could not ignore his lies any longer.

    I think I am in a similar place. Several of my friends (my husband’s for years–in some cases decades–before I knew them) were completely agog when *he* broke the news of his affair and that we were seeking divorce *via facebook*. I’ve been very selective on how much I share and with who, but originally people simply could not believe he had actually done the things he had done.

    Its interesting as time goes on, more & more of our mutual friends are finding that his own words are convicting him.

    Liars trap themselves.

    The truth will set you free.

    • Yes- sometimes its hard to sit back and not defend yourself or to refrain from telling your story. I too have found that so many people that believed him have seen through him– not because of me but because they’ve caught him in half-truths or heard things through the community. It all comes around at some point.

  3. Wow! Awesome. Your ex walked right into his own trap. I love how you hung onto God and He used it to bring to light the justice of your cause. There are lots of scriptures that describe this situation, especially in the psalms.

    • That is the irony. He spun his own web and then got stuck. He has no one to blame but himself yet somehow, he will find a way to spin it back and it will be my fault in his mind. It is sick and twisted. There was no reason to lie- at all.

  4. Part of me wants to laugh long and hard at his stupidity. The rest of me wants to hug your girls tight because he is only a dad in name and they deserve better {{hugs}}

    • I know. I have such mixed feelings.

      Part of me says, “He has done so many horrific things and THIS will be the thing that finally brings on the supervised visits” ???

  5. Wow Tina…I started reading your blog the other day when someone mentioned it on fb. Thank you for inviting me to like your page. There are no words to express how impressed and proud I am of you. Knowing you both in “a past life” (or so it now seems!) I am suprised by what I’m reading but not at all shocked. He always seemed to be putting on a front for appearance sake, I just never knew that it was THIS bad behind the scenes. I guess when your (his) whole world has been built up on lie after lie & it comes crashing down it leaves you (him) scrambling to put the pieces together. Unnfortunately he seems to be trying to piece together the lie instead of a new reality based on honesty and truth. Hugs & love to you, you’re providing so many people with strength and inspiration by sharing your struggles. You are truely AMAZING.

  6. This reminds me of my ex husband! He was and still is a bare faced liar!! He lied to me about where he was all the time and lied about times he would be home. When we were together I thought couple therapy would help us to sort out our differences and help us to grow together. How wrong I was, I remember sitting there and he lied all the way through the sessions…I thought this isn’t going to work if he can’t be truthful in therapy, I left him. A few months after I left I went on holiday to Greece, this was when the terror of 9-11 happened…he told our kids that I was on one of the planes that had crashed in to the WTC!!! When our eldest son passed away from suicide (my son was living in his dads house when this happened) my ex signed all the paperwork for the funeral and warned me ‘not to intefere’ he then told people I didn’t want to get involved in the funeral because I didn’t care! At the funeral he played songs that were ‘ours’ when we were together!!! Not one song was played for our son! Even my daughter couldn’t understand why her father didn’t play songs that meant something to our son. He even hid our sons ashes in his own fathers loft, they were there for 3 years…(I had no right to them as I hadn’t been allowed to sign for the funeral) A miracle happened a couple of weeks ago…I bumped into my ex’s sister in the supermarket and she told me their father wanted to give me my sons ashes as he didn’t want them in his loft anymore, and said my late son shouldn’t be used as a weapon against me anymore by my ex..also my ex hadn’t been to visit his family for over a year and owes them hundreds of pounds. I now have my sons ashes (he came home to mom eventually) My ex does not yet know I have them and I dread the day he finds out because I know what he is capable of… never ends with him, there is never a win-win solution with him, it has to be a win-lose solution with him being the winner and me the loser!!!! God bless you for sharing your journey with us, it helps others to realise we’re not alone xxx

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