Obeying Orders


As I prepare my case for upcoming court date, I needed to obtain the reports from the company who supervises my X’s visits.

There have been a total of three visits- only two hours each visit.  My fear in the beginning was that my X would put on a huge act in an effort to win the Father of the Year award.  Since the visits are only two hours in length, I didn’t anticipate that a lot could go wrong.  Being that these reports are now in the hands of the court, the girls’ attorney, my X’s possession and in my possession… it makes them public record.  Because of that, I feel comfortable talking about them in very general terms.

Apparently, I was wrong.  A lot can go wrong in a total of six hours.  It worries me that he didn’t try to put on a show as it makes me question his state of mind.

  • He was 20 minutes early to the first visit which started everything off poorly for the girls and I.  He had strict orders to arrive on time.  He had to be asked twice to leave.
  • According to the report, he ordered his favorite pizza (chicken garlic pizza) without thinking of the girls which means they barely ate anything.  They are like most children– cheese or pepperoni.
  •  He had to be reminded to not use his cell phone.
  • Late to second visit- with no explanation.
  • He sat and drank coffee while socializing with another father for 20 minutes of his two-hour visit.
  • Had to be reminded that there are no cameras when he tried to take a photo.  (This makes me so angry because I know those photos would have promptly been posted on Facebook to keep up his facade).
  • Arrived late to the third visit- with no explanation.
  • On the report, it was noted that, “Dad does not interact much with girls as they play”.
  • He brought a family member to the visit (against the rules) and then denied that they were related when asked three separate times.  This was his sister-in-law (brother A’s wife) and nephew.

Once again, it is a bag of mixed emotions.  If you were to reach in the bag, you would find sadness because my daughters deserve SO much more than this.  You would also find shock.  Even when I don’t think I could possibly be shocked anymore, I am proven wrong.  You would also find confusion.  It’s difficult to understand.  If I hadn’t seen my children for six weeks, you wouldn’t find me drinking Starbucks and socializing with an adult for 20 minutes.  You would have to peel me off of my children.  Inside my bag of emotions is also anger.  Anger because these reports show his true colors.

This isn’t about our daughters…it’s about his need to beat me in court.    It’s also about saving face with his mom who he can’t possibly disappoint.



8 responses »

  1. Inside your bag of emotions there has to be some relief that maybe, just maybe, you can get the girls away from him altogether. They do deserve more, WAY more. The sad fact is that they are never going to get it from him. The emotional damage from having an absent father may be less than the emotional damage from being exposed to a man with this personality disorder. There may be a silver lining even if it seems like a dark gray cloud right now. Sometime I feel selfish for thinking that way in my situation but you know the drill: you can’t change him, you can’t make him be what he is not. You can’t will him into caring more about anyone else but himself. Love and nurture your children, you are who they have. You are their rock. It is a long journey ahead before all the red tape is cut through. In the end, they will know they have you. Thank you for sharing. After an overwhelming week of emotions, today has been rough and I am hoping it is the pinnacle of a bad spell. Knowing I am not alone in this lonely battle makes me want to cry a little less…but only a little. Sometimes it has to come out, right?

  2. Perhaps he will reach the point where the girls will not enhance his image and he’ll leave them alone. He’s doing more damage than good–blood does not make a father…

  3. I totally get your mixed bag of emotions, but from over here, I am relieved that he is not able to keep up the facade for them. I am relieved that they have so many things to say that are pure facts; not an argument about his personality, even. Those will serve you quite well in your fight for justice for your daughters. I get that there’s no real justice in not having a father who devoltes his life to their well-being (believe me, I get that), but at least in the court system.

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