Category Archives: Our Marriage- 2005

His Mistress- Triathlons

Standard

April of 2005– the Wildflower Triathlon.  Part of my healing is owning my role in a really selfish and dysfunctional relationship.  I wanted to be loved and would go to any length to make that happen.  This story is just one of many examples that shows how much control there was.  It’s hard to imagine that I was once this shell of a person.

He is a triathlete.  Someone told me in 2004 that triathlons were a recipe for divorce.  I thought that was a really strange statement.  No truer words have been spoken.  I was due to have my first daughter on April 10, 2005.  He was spending every minute training for his upcoming race– which was April 30.  My due date came and went…he came and went.  Almost every day,  he drove over an hour and a half (each way) to the site of the race in preparation for the event.  I was terrified that I would go into labor alone.

My due date was a huge inconvenience to his training schedule. He made this extremely clear.  On day 7 of being overdue– he was still driving out to the lake.  I was a wreck– I couldn’t understand how he could keep leaving me.  His compromise was that I come with him and sit in a lawn chair.  He would swim across the lake, do a 30-minute run and then he would embark on a long bike ride.  I sat in a lawn chair having contractions and praying that I didn’t go into labor.

Every other day I drove with him to San Antonio Lake where I sat and waited.  I sat there each time for up to two hours by myself.  On April 18th, 2005, I was 8 days overdue.  I sat there in my chair waiting but having really intense contractions this time.  We went home and I went into labor.  The next day, I became a mom.

After 32 hours of labor, I had a c-section.  I was released from the hospital on Saturday, April 23rd and the very next day, he began packing us up for a week-long camping trip at the lake.  I had staples in my stomach and a newborn baby in my arms but we went camping for one week.  Everyone at the lake thought thought I was insane.  Looking back, I was insane.  Who was I?  Did I not have a brain?  An opinion?  A say in anything?

I don’t know how to answer that.

I spent four days camping in a trailer while he did his triathlon.  His mistress- triathlons.  I remember him bragging to people at the campfire about what a great wife I was.  I remember the wives looking at me like I was crazy while the husbands gave him mental high-fives.

At that point in time, I knew I would never come first to him.

I was lucky if I placed fifth in this race.

Advertisements

I’m Going to be a Mom

Standard

As a young child, I decided that I didn’t want to be a mom.  It seemed like SO MUCH responsibility.

You know those women whose eyes glaze over and they become weird when they see a baby?  They want to “smell” the baby and then claim that it is the “best smell in the world”.  That wasn’t me.  Everyone said that would change as I got older.

I was married at 26– still no urge to have a baby…27, 28, 29, 30….nope.  Still no urge.

At 30 years old, I found out that I was pregnant.  Every emotion in the world came flying at me 1.3 million miles per hour.  I was terrified.  I didn’t have a mom growing up and I didn’t know HOW to be a mom.  If you don’t have a role model for motherhood, the thought of being a mother can be quite daunting.  I didn’t have a support system– my family was 2,000 miles away and my husband was less than supportive.

I’ve been faced with many circumstances in life that would make most people crumble.  I cope with all things the same way:

1. I cry.  My nickname is “The Fountain” and the level of severity depends on the problem at hand- the tear scale varies between 1 tear and 100 tears.  After that, I call my “Aunt Bev” for advice.  She is a realist and will give it to me straight- whether I want to hear it or not.

2. I pull up my big girl panties (a quote that I am famous for repeating) and my tiara.

3. I access the situation and my options.

4. I put a smile on my face and I go forward.  Staying behind doesn’t sound appealing to me!

5. I am a fighter and I am a survivor- always have been and always will be.

When I discovered that I was pregnant, I did each of the above things in order except this time, they were maternity panties that I was pulling up.  If you’ve had the pleasure of pulling up maternity panties….one word: sexy!

I was going to be a mom!  I embraced my new path and I actually got excited about it.  I then decided that I wanted two daughters.  Leave it to me to go from zero to two children before my first trimester was complete and then go so far as to decide on the sex of the babies.  I was planning how far apart my “daughters” would be in age before my first ultrasound.  Two years- that was the plan.

I took advantage of every pregnancy perk this side of the Mississippi River:

1. I welcomed offers to cut in line in the bathroom.

2. “Stork Parking” at Babys R Us?  Yes, please.  I needed every product, gadget and nursery  item known to woman.  American Express loved me….a lot.

3. Cravings and food in general: “Why thank you,  I would like a bite of yours, too!”  (***I went from 118lbs to 167lbs– desserts were my friend).  I ate the same sandwich (a “Pismo Beach”) from our local coffee shop, Nautical Bean every day– twice a day.

In April of 2005, a 7lb 9oz little person came into my life and changed my world in every possible way.  My daughter taught me the meaning of being selfless and loving unconditionally.  Looking back, I couldn’t imagine my life without her.