April of 2005– the Wildflower Triathlon. Part of my healing is owning my role in a really selfish and dysfunctional relationship. I wanted to be loved and would go to any length to make that happen. This story is just one of many examples that shows how much control there was. It’s hard to imagine that I was once this shell of a person.
He is a triathlete. Someone told me in 2004 that triathlons were a recipe for divorce. I thought that was a really strange statement. No truer words have been spoken. I was due to have my first daughter on April 10, 2005. He was spending every minute training for his upcoming race– which was April 30. My due date came and went…he came and went. Almost every day, he drove over an hour and a half (each way) to the site of the race in preparation for the event. I was terrified that I would go into labor alone.
My due date was a huge inconvenience to his training schedule. He made this extremely clear. On day 7 of being overdue– he was still driving out to the lake. I was a wreck– I couldn’t understand how he could keep leaving me. His compromise was that I come with him and sit in a lawn chair. He would swim across the lake, do a 30-minute run and then he would embark on a long bike ride. I sat in a lawn chair having contractions and praying that I didn’t go into labor.
Every other day I drove with him to San Antonio Lake where I sat and waited. I sat there each time for up to two hours by myself. On April 18th, 2005, I was 8 days overdue. I sat there in my chair waiting but having really intense contractions this time. We went home and I went into labor. The next day, I became a mom.
After 32 hours of labor, I had a c-section. I was released from the hospital on Saturday, April 23rd and the very next day, he began packing us up for a week-long camping trip at the lake. I had staples in my stomach and a newborn baby in my arms but we went camping for one week. Everyone at the lake thought thought I was insane. Looking back, I was insane. Who was I? Did I not have a brain? An opinion? A say in anything?
I don’t know how to answer that.
I spent four days camping in a trailer while he did his triathlon. His mistress- triathlons. I remember him bragging to people at the campfire about what a great wife I was. I remember the wives looking at me like I was crazy while the husbands gave him mental high-fives.
At that point in time, I knew I would never come first to him.
I was lucky if I placed fifth in this race.