Category Archives: The Angels in My Life

Q and A

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I seem to have this team building around me– my own personal “Secret Service” agency .

People who have heard my story or know my story and want to help me.  Interesting information landed on my plate this afternoon– cryptic and I was forced into playing the game, “I can’t legally tell you the information BUT if I drop hints…and you happen to ‘guess’ correctly…I will confirm”.  Normally, I don’t like games but this one appealed to me for obvious reasons.

After a couple rounds of a guessing game—hints and answer confirmation, I discovered that my X has landed a job out of state.

Not only a job but he has obtained an out of state residence of some sort.

I know which state and I even know which city.

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My Rock

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I’ve wanted to write this post for quite some time but I can never seem to find the right words.  Sometimes things in life happen for a reason.  They aren’t planned.  They aren’t expected.

They just happen.

In June of 2009, I placed an online ad.  As I said before, I was searching for friendships…not a mate.  A man answered my ad and we had nothing in common.

Actually, we did have one thing in common– we were both single parents.  Even in that realm, we didn’t have a lot in common: his boys were between the ages of 16 and 20 and my girls…only 2 and 4.  He was cleaning sand (from surfing) out of his dryer vent and I was removing pink glitter and fuzz from mine.  I remember joking about this over email.

I read his profile several times and wondered what we’d even talk about…he was a Park Ranger and my idea of camping is a 2-star resort.  He was seeking someone who knew how to change in and out of a wetsuit with ease and enjoyed hiking.  He sought someone who didn’t flinch at the thought of a “tick check”.  For me, the thought of putting on a wetsuit weights up there with root canals and while I do own a pair of hiking boots…they’ve never actually been on my feet.  The mere thought of a tick on my body makes me want to cry.

I reevaluated my initial thoughts– it’s just coffee.  You are looking for friends.  What do you have to loose?

Fast forward to today (two and a half years later)- this man has restored my faith in men.  Luckily, I met him before my divorce got crazy because had I waited…I may have never dated another man for the rest of my life.  I don’t know of another man who would have stood by my side through this roller coaster.  He has been my rock, my support system and the love of my life.  When I picture myself with grey hair– I picture him next to me.

Through him, I have learned that there are genuinely good men in this world.  He loves my every color– the good and the bad.  He doesn’t try to change me.  He loves me for who I am now…and for who I will be in 20 years.  He is patient, kind and he truly adores me.

When he says, “I love you”…I actually feel it.

Good Karma and Angels

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My Pretend World

Call it good karma, luck or simply angels looking out for me.

I don’t know what to call it but I have had some amazing events transpire over the past two years.  Some of these events still leave me in awe.

In the beginning of 2009, we had a plethora of brand new cars in our driveway.  A Mercedes ML350, a 2008 Nissan Titan, a 2007 Toyota Tundra, a 2009 Toyota Hylander and a brand new VW Beetle which was my company car.  Five cars for two people.

It was simply absurd but went hand in hand with the manic spending sprees of my ex-husband.  I watched day by day as the cars started leaving our driveway– on tow trucks.  Repossessed for non-payment.  Everything was falling apart before my eyes.

I needed a car badly and was holding onto the last remaining car– a VW Beetle.  I knew that the clock was ticking and that it needed to be turned in.  I was on borrowed time and my new job depended on me having a car.  My daughters depended on me having a car.  I took a risk and emailed an angel– the General Manager of a local car dealership that we had worked with over the years.  I gave him my sob story (a short version, anyway) and asked if he could help me.  This amazing man agreed.  I put down a very small down-payment and he provided in-house financing.  No credit check and a payment plan that I could afford– with zero percent interest for three years.

In this day and age, I know this was nothing short of a small miracle.  In my world, this was a huge miracle.  It meant that I could get to work and I could get my daughters to school.  It was something that I will never forget and will remain forever grateful.  I don’t know if this gentleman truly realizes what he did for me but I will never be able to thank him enough.  To him it was just a car.  To me it was a lifeline.  He helped to further empower me in my new world– in my new world of independence.

I look forward to the day when I can pay this good deed forward.

Focusing on the Angels

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While writing this blog has been therapeutic, it has also been difficult on occasion.  The blog gives me a voice that was previously forced into submission.  I’ve been able to break free from the choke hold.  It’s empowering.  I don’t want to be seen as a victim– that’s not who I am.  There were times in this story that I felt like a victim but that’s not what I want to be known for.  I would go through everything again to be the strong, confident woman that I am today.  I would do it again to find the strong friendships with the people in my circle because I was previously lacking that.

One gift that I’ve been given is the ability to look at a situation and see the positives.  A very wise friend once told me that the story has already been written– it’s my job to walk it out.  I want to walk out my journey with a glass that remains half full at all times.

I’ve received a lot of feedback on my blog from random people and others who are very near and dear to my heart.  I’m listening to all of it and taking the comments to heart.  I appreciate the opinions– the good and the bad. 

I want to stay true to myself with the blog and staying true means remaining grateful for the angels who have appeared in my life.  When things look dim, I try to look for little bits of inspiration– a quote on a coffee cup, a song on the radio or someone who comes into my life at just the right moment.  It’s amazing how the simplest thing can stop a pity party dead in it’s tracks.

In 2010, I met with an attorney in Morro Bay, California who reviewed my case and actually offered to help me for free.  While he could not represent me– he offered his assistance in reviewing my paperwork and giving me advice.  At the time I was incredibly appreciative however, I had a difficult time accepting free help.  I went on my way– court date after court date and loads of paperwork to prepare for each.

In the beginning of 2011, I had reached a breaking point.  He wasn’t showing up for visits, he was violating all of the items in our parenting agreement and was ignoring my attempts to finalize the divorce.  I went back to the attorney and explained to him that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel however, I was out of steam.  I needed to prepare my trial brief which was overwhelming and I didn’t know where to begin.

The attorney and his wife (my two angels) offered to help me once again.  He met with me and reviewed my case.  He gave me pointers on my trial brief and then offered to review it and meet with me again before court to prepare me for trial.  His wife helped me to subpoena the records I needed and helped me with the proper forms.

I went home and I went to work.  I worked night and day on my trial brief— and then again the next day.  And the next.  My final trial brief was 47 typed pages.  FORTY-SEVEN typed pages.  I drank a lot of coffee and I got a few new wrinkles.  My bedroom floor looked like a paper factory exploded.  I didn’t sleep very much during those two weeks– I went to work during the day….I was “mom” in the evenings and after sunset, I became my own attorney.

I met with my “angels” a couple of times for further review and additional pointers and then…I went to trial.  With my 47 page document in hand and my game face back on…Pro se legal representation is defined as advocating on one’s own behalf before a court and that’s what I did.

A Red-Headed Angel

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One thing that I discovered through this process is that everyone handles divorce differently.  Some friends draw closer and some pull away.  Some are ready to carry boxes and furniture on a moment’s notice and others are no where to be found for months.  I had both worlds during my divorce– some of the people who I truly believed would be there for me couldn’t be.  There were different reasons for each case– some didn’t want to get in the middle and others cringed at the mere thought of divorce due to childhood experiences with their own parents.

The positive side to the equation is that I’ve developed some of the strongest friendships that I’ve ever known through this process.

I was in a very dark place– not only was my marriage ending but my beloved business had failed.  This business was like a child to me.  I put my heart and soul into what I was doing and I was completely devastated.  To top it off, the local media began doing stories on my business failure and they were hounding me for interviews.  I was distraught but never fear, I had a plan of attack: I had 6 boxes of girl scout cookies delivered, enough coffee to survive for 6 months, plenty of coupons for Dominoes Pizza and lots of sweatpants.  I was going to do what any girl in my situation would do: pull the curtains closed and put a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the front door while drowning my sorrows in Thin Mints.

I sent out an email to all of my clients letting them know that my business was over.  One of my clients (an acquaintance through the business community) emailed me back right away and invited me to coffee.  I decided to put off my goal of hibernating for another day and meet with her.  During that coffee date, I discovered that she was also in the process of a divorce.  We kept in touch over the next couple of months and a friendship developed.

While red-heads typically carry a certain stigma (fiery, hot-headed, etc)….they can also be a lifesaver during very dark times.  She wouldn’t have put up with me moping around in sweatpants for six-months— nope…not a chance.  We had wine to drink, concerts to attend, shopping to do and new lives to start.  She has stood by me when things were really, really bad and has cheered me on when things were really, really great.  I am incredibly thankful for the good that has come from the bad over the past few years.  My friendship with this awesome red-head is definitely one of the highlights of my divorce.  I look forward to drinking wine, shopping and watching re-runs of the Kardashian’s when we are 85 years old.